Self-Care Might Be Turning You Into a Narcissist

Hey there,

Self-care is supposed to keep us from losing our minds, right?

It’s the thing that holds us together when we’re one bad email away from a meltdown—which, for me, happens every Thursday at 4 p.m.

But what if I told you self-care might also be turning you into a narcissist?

The self-care industry is booming.

Searches for self-care have quadrupled since 2014, and people are Googling everything from breathing exercises to the effectiveness of coffee enemas (yes, that’s exactly what it sounds like).

In 2014, the global self-care market was worth $10 billion.

By 2020? A staggering $450 billion.

Turns out, stress is great for business. And it's no mystery why.

Wages are stagnant, workweeks are getting longer, student and credit card debt are sky-high, and inflation is gutting wallets.

In a world like this, who wouldn’t be looking for ways to cope?

The problem is, self-care has morphed into something else entirely.

Today, just about anything qualifies as self-care.

A $50 jet lag face mask? Self-care.

A $600 muscle massager? Absolutely.

An emotional support turkey on your flight? Hey, who’s stopping you?

Companies have slapped the words “wellness” and “mindfulness” onto anything they can sell, turning self-care into an expensive shopping spree disguised as self-improvement.

But there’s something worse than spending money on nonsense.

Some people are taking self-care to the extreme, letting it morph into self-absorption.

If you look at the traits of narcissism—an inflated sense of importance, a deep need for admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy—you might notice some striking similarities with the self-care advice flooding the internet.

Speak your truth. Set boundaries. Keep it real. Be authentic.

Good advice? Sure.

But taken to an extreme, it can become an excuse to push people away, shut down communication, and act selfishly under the guise of self-love.

Psychiatrist Dr. Samantha Boardman puts it bluntly: “Self-care is important, but it can also be a slippery slope to narcissism.”

Clinical psychologist Harriet Lerner calls this the “paradox of authenticity”—sometimes, keeping it real just makes us impossible to be around.

“No fucks given” sounds like a great mantra until you realize that, unless you live in a cave, you should probably give at least a few.

Self-care wasn’t always about luxury and self-indulgence.

Socrates, one of the earliest champions of self-care, believed that knowing yourself was the key to a good life—but not just for your own sake.

Self-care, according to Socrates, was about bettering yourself so you could contribute more to your community.

The concept resurfaced in the U.S. during the Civil Rights and women’s rights movements, when activists—often shut out of basic health and social services—built their own systems of care.

So, what changed?

Well, capitalism happened.

To be clear, I’m not saying you have to be an activist to deserve self-care.

We all need to take care of our physical, emotional, and mental health.

But self-care isn’t just about putting your needs above everyone else’s.

Without gratitude, empathy, and a connection to others, even the best self-care routines are meaningless.

Ask ten people what self-care means to them, and you’ll get ten different answers.

For some, it’s a daily walk. For others, it’s yoga, painting, or meditation.

If your version of self-care involves luxury skincare and spa retreats, more power to you.

But you don’t need an open wallet to practice self-care—just an open mind.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to waft some sage around my studio. (Don’t judge me.)

Have a wonderful week, all.
Take care of yourselves - Scott (@motivatedscott).

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