The Happiness Paradox

Hey there,

What if everything you thought you knew about happiness was wrong?

What if all your efforts to chase it down are actually making it sprint further away?

I know, harsh. But hear me out.

For the past six or seven years, I’ve been neck-deep in self-development, self-growth, and all things self-help—basically, one long existential therapy session.

My guiding principle?

Do better every day.

But recently, a simple Instagram post made me rethink my entire approach.

Alan Watts, the British philosopher whose voice you’ve probably heard layered over epic cinematic music in inspirational videos, introduced the world to The Backwards Law, which, in a nutshell, says: The more you chase something, the more you reinforce the fact that you don’t have it.

Watts put it this way in The Wisdom of Insecurity:

“When you try to stay on the surface of water, you sink. When you try to sink, you float.”

The same applies to happiness.

The more we tell ourselves we need happiness, the more we highlight its absence.

We’ve been trained to see happiness as a destination, a reward for checking off the right life boxes: the promotion, the house, the dream partner.

And yes, maybe even a perfectly glazed doughnut (which, let’s be honest, will bring temporary joy).

But the happiness from these things is fleeting, leaving us in a cycle of endless wanting.

Most of us now search for happiness by swiping, scrolling, and online shopping our way through life—Tinder, Zillow, Amazon—forever chasing the next hit of joy.

But Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, said it best in Man’s Search for Meaning:

“Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it… success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue.”

So how do we step off the hamster wheel?

Two things: gratitude and acceptance.

Gratitude is slowing down long enough to appreciate the life you have now.

As Asher Roth wisely said, “Happiness isn’t about getting what you want all the time; it’s about loving what you have.” 

Try journaling, daily reflection, or even a quick gratitude meditation—these small habits shift your mindset from lacking to abundance.

Then there’s acceptance—embracing life as it is, even when it sucks.

When things don’t go as planned, resisting reality only makes it worse.

But acceptance? That’s freedom.

Let go of the fight, and you’ll find more peace in the present.

Here’s a quick experiment: Wear a rubber band on your wrist.

Every time you catch yourself spiraling into negativity, give it a snap.

A little wake-up call to break the pattern and reset your focus.

At the end of the day, personal growth matters. 

I wouldn't be happy if I weren’t pushing myself beyond my comfort zone every month.

But it’s a balance—ambition should never come at the cost of happiness.

We forget these truths all the time, swept up in social pressures, comparison traps, and, yes, the occasional bad Tinder date.

So let this be your reminder: Happiness isn’t a pursuit.

It’s a byproduct of being present, grateful, and accepting of where you are.

And most importantly, you already have enough.

You are enough.

Have a wonderful week, all.
Cheers - Scott (@motivatedscott).

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